21 weeks

Baby is size of a CARROT, can you believe it? She's doing just fine. I'm not doing as great. Part of this is I'll be 40 in January, not a young chick. Part of it is that I have fibromyalgia and this pregnancy is kicking my behind.

Wondering it's time to look at my schedule and ask to cut down my time at work.

It's scary to think about. I don't want to be on bed-rest. I don't want to not work. But frankly, I'm tired. I'm tired of throwing up, feeling unrested, being achy all over, all day, being exhausted just being at work.

Wish things were simple. Wish I could make the next 19 weeks zip by. Wish I didn't feel like I needed to take the vicodin or the Tylenol 3 daily to keep my body from screaming.

16 weeks & 5 days

It's been a month since I've blogged. I'm feeling quite lazy lately. My poor vegetable garden is more weed than vegetables. Perhaps my mood is cuz we haven't had decent rain in a long while - perhaps it's cuz I'm still puking every morning. That takes a lot of out of me.

I'm doing well - 16 weeks & 5 days. My belly is rounding out. I'm looking less lumpy and more pregnant. I've been able to feel baby moving around a bit since week 14. It's been hiding in the back more when we go to listen to the heartbeat. Stinker.

I only have a few items of my non-maternity clothes I can wear lately. This pregnancy, I am able to spend money on clothes for work, which is nice. Styles have certainly changed since I was pregnant with Madeline 6 years ago!!!

We have our next ultrasound on August 4th - just 2 short weeks. It's a big one where they look at the baby's organs and heart and possibly even tell what 'flavor' it is. Yes, we are going to attempt to identify the sex of the baby. We might even tell you if you ask nicely. :) We will wait until baby is born to name it officially. Madeline is sure the names will be either Isaac or Purple Iris. I told her we'll take those names into consideration.

Squeaker #2 - week 9

week #9

I feel gun shy when it comes to announcing my week's progress - but it is a big deal to me. It's funny that I don't mind doing it here, in this venue, or on Facebook, but I won't make a whole-world email announcement until we reach week #12.

There aren't any guarantees, but it'll be that much more further.

I'm feeling the same sort of effects of pregnancy as I did with Madeline, which I think is awesome. I have pregnancy acne - the big awful ones. I am nauseous and hungry at the same time. I can't fit into my regular pre-pregnancy pants any more, and I'm "busting" out of my brassieres. already. I think that's a really great sign indeed.

Going in for my now weekly ultrasound tomorrow.

Week 7

I made it to Week #7. 33 more to go. Feeling nauseous still, but I'm quite glad about that. It means everything is working as it should.

Since my first miscarriage last April, I've contemplated keeping subsequent pregnancies secret until a certain time. We didn't keep anything secret in November & we had miscarriage #2. I've tried to figure out why I haven't kept this one a secret. I think I know why.

I need the support of whatever happens. There are no guarantees, even once we hit the magic week #12 mark. My dear cousin Danielle lost a baby when she 8 months pregnant. I'm high risk due to the previous miscarriages, the surgery to remove 5 fibroids (which is believed to be the contributing factor of the miscarriages), as well as my age. I'm 39 years old. Not a spring-chick anymore.

It's purely selfish of me to want to have this support from friends and family. My coworkers were among the first to know cuz they see me daily. Besides, the office water must have hormones in it - there are many pregnant women at the college and guys whose wives just gave birth or will any day now.

no guarantees

I know that no matter what, there aren't any guarantees.

I know that even if we reach the magical week 12 with no complications that there won't be.

I know that last year's miscarriages didn't help with my risk-factor.

I know all these things.

However, I also know that I can't be in control of everything, despite wanting to. I had the surgery to remove the 5 fibroids for a reason - so that in the event of a success pregnancy, I'd be giving the embryo the best start I could.

Doesn't mean that I also know that I'm scared silly, and trying my best to take it one day at a time. I can't be in control of this except for eating as healthfully as I can when I feel like eating.

"What will be will be...."

Long time ... no see

I've been in hibernation.

I'm ready to blossom.

I'm ready for spring.

I'm ready to attempt pregnancy yet one-more-time.

More after this brief announcement...

We are pregnant!

I'm high risk due to 2 miscarriages last year and being so blessed old, so I get weekly ultrasounds for the time-being. Saw the little peanut this morning. So small yet - only 7 weeks along on Wednesday) but its heart is good and strong @ 130+ beats per minute.

I'm happy and cautiously optimistic.

:) Welcome SPRING.

answers

The ultrasound ... same room as in April ... same result ... no heartbeat. The baby died within the last day or two. Going in tomorrow morning (7:45am) to get a test done on the baby's chromosomes (a chrorionic villus sampling or CVS) and I'm scheduled for a D&C at noon.

I totally fell apart walking into the ultrasound room initially, and again when we searched for the heartbeat. I am more calm than I could be. I've been through this before. It's not easier - it just wasn't out of the blue like last time.

It looks like I have some uterine fibroids, more than when I was pregnant with Maddy. That or something about the chromosome may be the answer as to why I miscarried twice in a year. I still don't want Maddy to be an only child. I just don't whether I can do this again, ever. The pain is just too great.

me me me, and us :)

Well, after my moaning session, we found out that we are indeed expecting. :) Very cautious - still so very early - but we are pregnant. Due July 2, 2009, at the height of summer. Wow.

Feeling ok and only nauseous once a day so far. Hormone levels are good. On extra progesterone to help little bean out. Maddy is excited. Joe is excited. We're all cautiously optimistic.

:) 32 more weeks to go.

on loss

I had a miscarriage yesterday. During my first ob appointment and my first ultrasound, we found that there was no heartbeat. Joe was thankfully able to make this first appointment. I was so thankful that we were able to have at least a picture to take home as well. It was real, at least for a little while.

Because my body hadn't yet figured out that the fetus was viable, it hadn't yet begun to spontaneously miscarry, so I had a D&C in the afternoon and was home by 8pm.

Everyone at the hospital was fantastic and treated us and our loss with great respect. I don't hold to the thought of "everything happens for a reason." I do, however, think that "there is a reason for this to have happened."

The best thing anyone said to me was the gal who walked me down to the car. I had a few women who told us they were sorry for our loss, one who talked insistently about "God's plan" (whatever), and many who were just there to hold my hand and let me and Joe go through our emotions.

The best thing that was said though was that one gal who wished us only one thing: hope.

I know it's not uncommon.

Miscarriage is the most common type of pregnancy loss, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). Studies reveal that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage.
American Pregnancy Association

As a woman of "advanced maternal age", ie, over 35, I had a 20%-35% risk.

We'll be ok. We'll be able to try again in a few months, I know. It's going to be a scary road. But we will be ok.

Thanks for listening and thinking of us.

on hormones, and other fun things

Hormones suck in general. They rule a girl's life. Seriously. Girls unite. Damn.

I'm 9 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy is similar to my first with Madeline. With Maddy, I was sick for 9 months. Threw up every 3rd day. It was not fun. I know every pregnancy is different, but oh my dear stars, PLEASE be very very different! I've not been feeling the best so far. I won't disgust you with my tales of "praying to the porcelain gods". You get the idea.

I have a stash of saltines and peppermint tea under my desk. I have been going to sleep really amazingly early, taking naps when I can. My hair is not behaving and I am finding I can't use the same products in it. My regular clothes are too tight. I'm only 9 frickin' weeks along, but I'm finding myself in a few maternity clothes already.

Ok, enough complaining. I'm ready to ENJOY being pregnant! As I tell my students: "Attitude IS everything."

I'm just not ready to give up the saltines just quite yet!

me me me

Wow ... "Better living through pharmaceuticals", as my father says, and it's true. The antibiotics are working well. Everyday my elbow gets better and better. I'm not in pain like I was only a few days ago. Still haven't a clue as to why I got the infection in the elbow like I did, but I'm glad it's settling down.

Now ... for the nausea to calm down and I'll be a happy camper!

no seriously, this sucks

• Maddy was sick on Thursday night. (vomiting whilst in the car-seat was NOT fun)
• I haven't been feeling well lately (at five weeks pregnant - did I mention that yet?), the nauseousness seems to have started early.
• I was in the ER with a nasty case of cellulitis. Seriously painful; dreadfully uncomfortable.
  

I'm ready to enjoy my pregnancy. I'm ready for all my family to FEEL WELL.