me me me

Wow ... "Better living through pharmaceuticals", as my father says, and it's true. The antibiotics are working well. Everyday my elbow gets better and better. I'm not in pain like I was only a few days ago. Still haven't a clue as to why I got the infection in the elbow like I did, but I'm glad it's settling down.

Now ... for the nausea to calm down and I'll be a happy camper!

no seriously, this sucks

• Maddy was sick on Thursday night. (vomiting whilst in the car-seat was NOT fun)
• I haven't been feeling well lately (at five weeks pregnant - did I mention that yet?), the nauseousness seems to have started early.
• I was in the ER with a nasty case of cellulitis. Seriously painful; dreadfully uncomfortable.
  

I'm ready to enjoy my pregnancy. I'm ready for all my family to FEEL WELL.

I'm ok

The zapping sucked. BIG. But the good news is that whatever the neuro-doc saw, my surgeon didn't think it required any surgery. :) YIPPEE

Zapped again ....

I knew my arm and elbow wouldn't be 100% better after the surgery in October 2006. I knew it wouldn't be back to completely normal. It was actually amazingly good after just 60 days actually!

However, shortly after I started playing cello again in September, I started getting numbness in the top of my right hand. It would happen whilst doing just about anything, including not doing a single thing. It would start up my right thumb area, sometimes include the index and middle fingers, and radiate up my arm. It felt different than the compression in the elbow of the ulna nerve. It hurt too.

So, I showed up at the orthopedic surgeon's last week and told him what I've been experiencing as of late. I didn't want to be there. I was done with the Year of the Elbow. But I did the only thing I could do, other than ignore it. Dr. S*** sent me to the nerve doctor, again....

Being zapped again by the very kind Dr. W*** was worse than the first time. I knew it would hurt again. I knew what to anticipate.

Yet again, Dr. W*** was as wonderful as he could possibly be, treating me as a person and taking the time to talk me through the painful zapping process. He explained exactly what he was doing, and what he was looking for. I told him I was going to blog this, so this is my giant THANK YOU! to Dr. W***! (Wait for the applause!)

Diagnosis (to be confirmed by Dr. S***) is that I have yet another compressed nerve - a branch of the radial nerve - the posterior interosseus nerve.

Fig. 1. —Drawing shows course of radial nerve (thick arrows) deep in relation to brachioradialis muscle (arrowheads) at elbow where radial nerve divides into posterior interosseous nerve (thin arrows) and superficial radial nerve. S = supinator.


To be continued.....(sigh)

Updates

• I'm tired. Busy - crazy busy. Happy
• I'm playing my cello tonight for the first time since The Year of the Elbow. Looking forward to it!
  
• Again, I'm feeling Brett's pain from last night's game. It was horrible that they lost, to that team, but it's not the end of the world, and it was fantastic to see that Aaron Rodgers could actually step it up!
  
• It was Joe's birthday last night - fun night had by all!
  
• It's going to snow a lot tomorrow night. Actually looking forward to it! We're under a winter storm watch with up to 7 inches expected. Let the Holidays begin!
  
• Joe gave me an early Christmas present: an HP laptop with Vista and Office 2007 installed. So far, I love it!
• Maddy is doing great and her 4th b'day will be on the 23rd. Oh my stars! How did she get so old?!
  

And for your goofy pleasure:

What happens when you no longer have a funny bone?

So I found out what happens when you hit your funny bone when you've lost it (or at least when you've had it surgically moved). It still hurts. Owie! It's now bruised and sore. Now you know!

oh yeah...

Did I happen to mention that I played my cello today? The first time since the fall in February. I didn't cry during - there was minimal pain, only stiffness from the lack of use. WOO HOO!

a new year

The Year of the Elbow is over. Long live the New Year.

Joe and I spent the evening with great friends, and brought in the new year the best way possible - via hot tub. :D Of course, it would have been better if it wasn't rainy or windy, but it was a lot of fun and very relaxing.

On the list of things I'd like to accomplish this year:

• For the first time in my life, I'm going to put fitness as a priority.
  

My cholesterol is way too high. I'd like to lose weight. I want Maddy to know how important fitness is and to set a good example. I'm going to join the YWCA, attend yoga classes, swim at least once a week. My elbow is doing well, and it feels fantastic being able to swim!

• Eat and help plan the family meals more efficiently / effectively.

We've been so amazingly busy trying to live day to day and by the end of the day, we usually stare into the refrigerator or the freezer or the cupboard, waiting for the dinner fairy to delight us with healthy, yummy cuisine. For some reason, that's not working.

• Work towards being able to plan a real vacation for sometime this year.

We haven't had a real, go-anywhere vacation in a long time and Maddy's never had a vacation. I don't count last February in Ohio to visit family - any trip when you end up in the emergency room does NOT count!

:) Happy New Years to you and yours! What's on your list?

What a difference 60 days makes

60 days ago was my surgery. I had a ton of pain in the elbow itself - weakness - tingling all through the arm - generally owie.

Now, after 4 weeks of therapy, stretching, strenghtening & pain meds, I am able to type properly, eat with my right arm again, wash my hair with my right arm again, and generally use my arm without too much pain. I'm not 100% healed yet. You have to remember this battle has been since February 25, 2006 when I broke my elbow in the first place.

Things I'm looking forward to being able to do by the summer 2007:

• Practice yoga
• Start playing "Quincy" (my cello)
• Get strong enough to be able to use the computer mouse in my right hand

I'm thrilled to say the least! Thanks for supporting me in this journey.....

:) Karen

No, really, I feel your pain!

Poor Brett. What a horrible game yesterday, and #4 injuring his elbow to boot! I couldn't help but think: "I feel your pain!"

What I'm doing on my time off

• emailed family, friends about surgery & how I'm doing
• nap every afternoon
• eat if hungry (tummy still not 100% from anesthesia)
• watch movies
  
1. Chronicles of Narnia
2. X-men - Final Stand
3. V for Vendetta
4. Constant Gardener
5. Akeelah & the Bee
6. The Notorious Betty Page
7. Elizebeth I (love Helen Mirren)
8. Mrs. Henderson Presents (love Dame Judi!)
9. Art School Confidential
10. Brokeback Mountain
    
• making sure neighbor's dog is being cared for (story to come)
• Fighting fever today
• start sorting Maddy's wardrobe for fall/winter
  

by the #s

4 - # hours slept night before surgery
2 - # hours knocked out
1/8 - # inches thick scar tissue removed
8 - # hours in hosp. total
4 - # times threw up cuz side effect from anesthesia (bleh)
1 - # arms/hand useful now
3 - # times D'Argo kitty wanted to sleep on "owie" arm during night
3 - # times renegotiated with D'Argo kitty where he was allowed to sleep

all's well. typing well w/ 1 hand. now... on the road to healing.

5:30 am

5:30am. WAY too early to be anywhere, but at least I don't have to dress up! Everything going to plan, I'll be home mid-day tomorrow. Maddy is staying the night tonight at Nana Terri's house since it's going to be so FRELLING early!

DONE:

• Find out where I need to be when next Thursday.
• Print out list of movies I would like to get from the video store for after the surgery.
• Vacuum
• Sweep downstairs
• Did all reporting
• Train co-worker on project
• Had performance review

NEED TO DO:

• Finish memo
• Do last work project
• Clean room Mom will be sleeping in
• Clean bathroom
• Watch / tape LOST
• Try not to stress about everything. I'm stressing about everything and the acne on my face shows it.
• Take care of me! (thanks Heather :) )

Wish me luck and send healing thoughts my way, please. Thanks everyone who has sent me nice messages. :) It does help.

Now on with the next step to being able to play Quincy (my cello) again....

ToDos

The list of things to do before next Thursday- surgery day- continues to grow.

DONE:

• Paperwork to be able to have time off from work and not have to take vacation time for recuperation.
• Did laundry for packing for this weekend's wedding in Milwaukee.
• Figured out how to use the borrowed keyboard midi to aid in transposing music for the 2 gigs just after Thanksgiving.
• Haircut appointment made for Wednesday.
• Made arrangements for my Mom to come up Thursday-Friday to help out post-surgery.

NEED TO DO:

• Pack Maddy for two nights this weekend at G'ma Terri's house.
• Pack Karen and Joe for two nights in Milwaukee for Jess's wedding affair.
• Get list of work duties done before next Wednesday: do all reporting, let co-worker know where everything, train co-worker on necessary steps to close out a project, prepare for work review.
• Clean house (ok- at least vacuum, clean room Mom will be sleeping in, sweep floors, and clean bathroom).
• Find out where I need to be when next Thursday.
• Try not to stress about everything. I'm stressing about everything and the acne on my face shows it.
• Print out list of movies I would like to get from the video store for after the surgery.

(to be added to)....

ME TIME

Are you a woman? A wife? A mother? We all think about this, but we very rarely take the time to do something about this. What am I talking about? ME TIME! Check this out:

The Families and Work Institute (FWI) found that working mothers spend both more time at the job and more time with their kids than their counterparts did 25 years ago.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/09/15/me.time.health/index.html

I'm not saying no to time at work or no to time with kids - I enjoy my job and I love my kid. I've noticed, however, that it takes so much effort to actually spend time for myself, and when I'm gone, I feel that monster creeping up to strangle me - GUILT!

When I went to Girl Scout Summer Camp many many years ago, everyday after lunch, we had "ME TIME". We could nap, write home, swim, read, play outside games, whatever we wished. I didn't feel guilty then.

This year has been rough for me physically. After breaking my elbow in February, I didn't take any time off. In hindsight, I was NUTS. Joe and his mom drove me around town. I henpecked the keyboard at work. I wore a head-set so I could be on the phone and work on the computer if needed. It worked out ok. But I was also on vicodin and was in a lot of pain. I don't remember much of the month of March.

I'm learning to try to bring some of ME TIME in my time now, before the surgery as well as after. Tonight I've invited women from all aspects of my life for a Girl's Night Out, and at least 9 of us are having dinner together at a wonderful restaurant in town. I'm learning not to feel so guilty about doing things I enjoy. I'm also going to take off as much time as I need after the surgery for recovery! I'm not going to do it like in February, struggling to stay awake whilst on yummy drugs, aching in pain and hoping to find time for sleep.

Yeah for ME TIME!

just breath....

Surgery has been scheduled. October 5th. 48 days. The waiting begins.

The decision

The date hasn't been set yet, but we are going through with the surgery to transpose the ulna nerve being compressed by the scar tissue. It's probably going to be early October so hopefully I've healed a bit healed by the holidays. I feel pretty, well, ok. As well as I can be, I suppose.

I'm glad I can do something about the discomfort, the pain, the lack of full recovery from the original injury. I'm freaked out about the prospect of surgery. I only have been "under" twice that I remember: once in the dentist's chair getting stubborn teeth out and once only a few years ago when I had my tonsils taken out. I'm frustrated that I feel like I'm going back to square one as I recuperate from the surgery (no lifting for 6-8 weeks). Therapy won't be fun, but I've been there before in April, so I kind of know what to expect.

I'm ok. I know it's temporary and I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Diagnosis

In regards to my elbow...I have nerve compression/entrapment of the ulna nerve at the elbow. It's probably scar tissue from the fracture in February.

Option 1: Wait and see if it gets better.
Option 2: Surgically decompress the nerve and possibly move the nerve to another place. (link is really a good link to UCLA's Neurosurgery Center).

Neither sounds fun. I've been pretty good about limiting the activities. I use the mouse at my computer with my left hand again. I conduct the band with my left hand (that was weird). I rinse dishes, weed, drive, hold the phone to my ear, etc. with my left hand. I still do all the fun nerve glides. I'm not overdoing it, but I'm definitely not exercising it. But rest alone MIGHT help.

But surgery might work. It would release it from the scar tissue, and the re-routing of the nerve to inside the forearm would decrease the tension. It would mean possible time off. It would mean trying to figure out a good time for surgery. It would mean going back to square one. But it also MIGHT help.

So there you have it. I asked my ortho-surgeon what he would do. He said he didn't know. Great. Joe and I meet with him on the 14th to discuss details, options, etc.

Bottomline, I just want to be feel healthy again. I want to play cello again. I want to be able to not wince when Maddy wants me to hold her. I want to be able to not have to gauge my activities, hoping that I have enough strength to make it through the day.

Freaking out

I've freaked out before. Like when I was in labor with Maddy, 36 hours cumulatively (thank you very much) with back labor and a fever, and was pushing for 2 hours. I freaked out. I was so sure there was never going to be an end.

Yesterday was different.

It wasn't like I hadn't had an MRI before. I don't remember whyI needed to have one, but it was right after Maddy was born. I did have meds to help me relax, and I was on my back - eyes closed, headphones on, listening to music. It wasn't horrible.

Yesterday was different.

I didn't have any time to really mentally prepare. I didn't have any meds to help me relax. I didn't think I needed them to have a scan of my elbow! And I wasn't on my back. I was as Superman - on my belly, right arm in a coil tube in front of me, head on a pillow to the left. Ok, it doesn't sound that bad, except my right arm doesn't easily extend out in front of me, the space inside the MRI machine was TINY TINY TINY and it was all I could do to find fresh air that was pumped inside the chamber. AND I couldn't have headphones on cuz they didn't fit inside the tube. So I had earplugs in, slightly dampening the noise of the monster machine.

I was told it was going to be about 40 minutes for the MRI to take the requisite scans. Ok. I told myself to start breathing slowly as I was inched into the space. I've studied yoga, practiced meditation, did lamaze, so I knew it was all mind over matter. I knew I could do it.

The machine started up the series of scans. Dear Barbara, the radiologist, let me know when each series started and for how long they were going to be. It was easy at first - one minute, 3 minutes, 2 1/2 minutes. Ok, I thought, not easy, in a bit of pain from the upper back to my finger tips, my head is not comfortable, and I'm face down into a pillow, trying to find a space to breath, but I'm ok. I was actually starting to enjoy myself, listening to the hums, the clicks, the whistles of the machine, finding the rhythm, enjoying the harmonics as they ascended and descended strange machine-made scales.

And then I freaked out. It happened during the longest of the series, a mere 6 minute scan. The wonderful rhythms and clicks changed drastically into a blanket of sound. I knew I was starting to lose it. I started to breath slowly, thinking to myself that it everything was alright, this set was about to end. Except it didn't end and I slowly found myself go crazy. I started crying silently, hoping for some miracle. And then it ended. Barbara asked if I was ok, and this time I said no. She and the nurse Dawn pulled me out for a breather. I was so amazed that I freaked out so, but Barbara and Dawn calmed me down, gave me some water and tissue or 3.

Dawn stayed in the room with me, at my side, touching my leg lightly. The power of touch grounded me and I finished with the next four scans.

So I freaked out. As I was laying in bed, trying to go to sleep, I had to push away that awful feeling in my head. It haunted me. I never want to do that again.

Now is the waiting game to hear from my doc to see about next steps. *sigh* I really don't want to go back to square one, but this pain is horrible. If they can do something about it now when I'm (relatively) young, then do it.

ZAP

The kind Dr. W*** made me feel as comfortable as I could with electrodes and needles zapping my forearm and hand. I felt like Dr. Frankenstein's monster as my arm jumped wildly after a jolt, though I willed it to stay still. Haven't talked with the ortho doc yet, but I am bracing myself for the possibility of going back to square one. There does seem to be something blocking the ulna nerve at the elbow, where I broke it in February. Have my MRI tonight to see what the ligament looks like.