And she's off....

...to Kindergarten, that is! Maddie's already met her teacher - Miss Melisa - and knows some of the kids in her classroom, but today was different.

It's funny how parents compare our kids to everyone else's. I know Maddie's a fantastic kid. She has a great sense of humor, a growing sense of what's right and what's wrong. She's been reading for a year, and the other day stunned me by telling me the right sum of 8 + 4. She's not ordinary fool, my kid!

I want her to be the great kid in Kindergarten - the kid who makes friends to the lonely kids, the kid that doesn't give a hoot to what others think of her or her hobbies or her friends - the kid who doesn't mind her crazy parents. Don't know whether any of that will happen, but she's off to a fantastic start.

Now, excuse me while I dry my eyes....

Cheers & Jeers

CHEERS:
Salma Hayek
It takes a village! It's nutrition. There is nothing wrong with feeding a starving child. Get over it, people!

JEERS:
Nadya Suleman
Because, though it takes a village (which she's obviously hoping 'cuz she needs the money), you need to do what is right. Bringing 8 more children into a world when you a) don't a way to support them, b) don't acknowledge that you may not be doing the right thing is NOT the right way to go about it!

We're ok

It's amazing how much one's body and mind can recover from such loss as we've experienced lately. That's not to say we're 100%, but we're ok.

Every once in a while, Maddy will look at me with such emotion and say how sad she is that the baby died. There's been a lot of hugging and a lot of downtime for the three of us as a family. Maddy's taken to sleeping on the floor and wanting us to sleep with her. We do what we can, but it's been a bit frustrating, especially if we have work to do. I've ordered some books to hopefully assist her (and us) in this phase.

We'll be honoring Steven's life this coming Saturday. It will be a small gathering in Oconto.

We're ok. Spring is here. The seeds have been started for the vegetable garden and have begun to sprout under the grow-lights in the basement. We're planning the patio. Joe's dug a trench between the house and garage.

It's all going to be ok. :)

Poor Maddy...

We have this rule about Halloween that I attribute to my evil parents. My sisters and I weren't allowed anything "cutsy" for Halloween - Halloween is for SCARY things. Thusly, I made my daughter choose something scary for the holiday. She chose Darth Vader. She's adorable!



The girls were able to dress up in the costumes last night in dance class. I didn't see her, so as I tucked her in last night, I asked innocently enough about what the other girls were wearing. She named them: Princess, Barbie, Glinda the Good Witch, Evil Witch, Darth Vader...then she stopped and said, "I wanted to be as beautiful as they were!" and she started to cry. Oh.My.Stars. My daughter, not yet four, has become clued in as to the "girly girl" stuff. I knew she liked the princess dresses, and loves dancing or playing the part of yon "girly girl". She was inconsolable. Poor kid. I felt like a horrible mom, making her "different" than the other girls!



I am adamant that she doesn't follow in everyone else's footsteps. I want her to be happy in her own skin. I want her to feel beautiful even in Darth Vader's costume. The cape is wonderful!



*sigh* So, this morning came around and I cautiously asked her whether she wanted to take her costume to Nana's. "I have an idea, Mom," she says, "Why don't I wear the witch costume like I did last night?" We might have a witch again on our hands. And that's ok.

Go west!

Well, as far as Lake Elmo, MN anyway. My new library boss is based here and this is the first chance I've had to meet her. Did I mention it's REALLY far west. By car, it's 4 hours. 4 hours, in the car, looking at the trees that have less and less leaves, and lots of farm land. ugh. Wake me up. I think I'm going to try to fly out next month.

Anyway, I'm out in Lake Elmo, meeting the library boss and learning everything I should learn about how to run my new library. Damn. There's a lot to learn. 4 hours of training tomorrow - 4 hours tomorrow and then a tour of other libraries in the system.

You know that silly thing you say to a young child who is on their way out to play in way of teasing them? "Don't you go have any fun!" Well, on her way out of the door with her dad this morning, she teased me and said "Don't you have any fun with Cookie Monster or Oscar the Grouch at Lake Elmo!" My dear Maddy.

huh? how could it be?

Dear darling daughter is:

• Not afraid of heights
• Not afraid of being pulled behind a boat on the Wisconsin River with her cousins in a tube
• Not afraid of speaking her mind

And yet she was TERRIFIED of swimming in the bay today. It was hot this weekend, and all I wanted to do was float in the water. But she screamed holy terror at being in the same water as SEAWEED! I was completely surprised by this.

Joe reminded me of an event that happened this week that made me realize how smart this little girl really is. There were carp spawning earlier in the week near the shore and I guess were HUGE. She didn't see the carp today. We have always made a point to say that seaweed was good - it's what fishes eat. So she must have figured that since she didn't see the carp near the shore that they were eating the seaweed. She is a smart cookie.

BlogMoms

I've added a new section (to left) re: cool blogging moms. I heard Melissa Summers was to be on the Today Show to talk to Meredith Viera about moms who, at occassional play dates, imbibe in a cocktail. Read any and all of these sources with the warning that you may have less respect for Meredith than ever.

On being 3....

Maddy's accomplishments thus far in the first month since she turned 3:

• Started dance / movement class for toddlers. Of course her mom was much more worried about the whole affair than she was. She's having a blast!
  

• Been able to wear "BIG GIRL UNDERWEAR" during the day! (Whoppee!)

• Her ability at imaginative and associative play is amazing! ("Here is baby monster!" when we look for monsters at the Cabin & "Now I look like Dorothy!" when I put her hair in braids at the back of her head, patting the imaginary Toto in her pocket).

• She's accomplished the dubious accomplishment of having gotten her parents wrapped around her finger when it comes to bedtime. It's a war-zone when it gets to 8pm. Oh my. No matter what her poor parents do or try. Tonight we're trying music and hypnotize her to sleep. *cross fingers*

a new year

The Year of the Elbow is over. Long live the New Year.

Joe and I spent the evening with great friends, and brought in the new year the best way possible - via hot tub. :D Of course, it would have been better if it wasn't rainy or windy, but it was a lot of fun and very relaxing.

On the list of things I'd like to accomplish this year:

• For the first time in my life, I'm going to put fitness as a priority.
  

My cholesterol is way too high. I'd like to lose weight. I want Maddy to know how important fitness is and to set a good example. I'm going to join the YWCA, attend yoga classes, swim at least once a week. My elbow is doing well, and it feels fantastic being able to swim!

• Eat and help plan the family meals more efficiently / effectively.

We've been so amazingly busy trying to live day to day and by the end of the day, we usually stare into the refrigerator or the freezer or the cupboard, waiting for the dinner fairy to delight us with healthy, yummy cuisine. For some reason, that's not working.

• Work towards being able to plan a real vacation for sometime this year.

We haven't had a real, go-anywhere vacation in a long time and Maddy's never had a vacation. I don't count last February in Ohio to visit family - any trip when you end up in the emergency room does NOT count!

:) Happy New Years to you and yours! What's on your list?

7 years....(a letter to my sister)

It's been seven years since I witnessed you become a mother. You gave Mom and Dad their first grandchild - the first granddaughter. I was thrilled when you wanted me to be your labor coach. I will cherish that day - how I was able assist you, cheer you on, care for you, and finally, cut the umbilical cord.

You have had to deal with a number of stupid and awful cards. You've always struggled with knowing who you were and having the label of and the challenges motherhood brings didn't exactly help you.

It's been over a year since you left - since you left your children, a home, family. I don't know what you expect out of life - whether you think you are owed something by the universe. Life isn't fair. Get on with it. You had a bad day? Suck up and be nice.

I don't mean to sound so angry and bitter. I apologize for that. You are missed. Your family misses you. Your friends miss you.

I wish I could say the right words to make it all ok - to make whatever pain you are going through go away, but I'm not naive to believe that. Everyone makes his or her own reality. You need to make yours. 7 years ago, I witnessed your strength. I hope you can find that strength again.

love, Karen

Maddy- OCD or just a toddler?

Maddy and I had a low-key weekend. Very low-key. Near all-day pajama-day for Maddy and I on Friday, but we did get out of the house to go across the street to get her hair cut. Nearly 3 years-old, Maddy's a hoot. Her favorite thing to do when we are home is to take out the 15-20 DVDs and VHS tapes and spread them all over the floor like a train. It's hilarious, especially when she faces them ALL down. She groups them in rows, in columns. Maddy even talks about playing with her movies when we aren't home.

hmmm... I hope it's not OCD and that we aren't stimulating her enough ....

Keep her in good thoughts though...tonight was night 1 with no nuks. She's had a nuk (I blame it entirely on her Nana T who thought she should have one) since ~6 months I think. But tonight, we said bye to her three nuks, placed them in 3 envelopes for the 3 babies we know...Lilas, Charlie, and Joshua. She's been crying up a storm. Egads, we're awful. I feel awful. But I know we are doing the right thing.

I just checked in on her. Deci - the best cat for when one needs a cuddle, decided to sleep with her, so he is snuggling with her. She seems asleep (HURRAY), so hopefully this won't be so bad.
Ahhh...the things they don't tell you about in Lamaze!

Worries - part 2

Maddy isn't feeling well. For the first time in a very long time, she has a pretty nasty productive cough. She's clingy, which she rarely is, and she's just feeling punky. *sigh* All I would like to do today is crawl into bed with her and comfort her. But alas, she doesn't have a fever, she's in a fairly decent mood despite it, and I have to save up my personal days at work for if/when I have surgery. They never taught me how to handle these feelings in parenting school.