I feel gun shy when it comes to announcing my week's progress - but it is a big deal to me. It's funny that I don't mind doing it here, in this venue, or on Facebook, but I won't make a whole-world email announcement until we reach week #12.
There aren't any guarantees, but it'll be that much more further.
I'm feeling the same sort of effects of pregnancy as I did with Madeline, which I think is awesome. I have pregnancy acne - the big awful ones. I am nauseous and hungry at the same time. I can't fit into my regular pre-pregnancy pants any more, and I'm "busting" out of my brassieres. already. I think that's a really great sign indeed.
Going in for my now weekly ultrasound tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Week 7
I made it to Week #7. 33 more to go. Feeling nauseous still, but I'm quite glad about that. It means everything is working as it should.
Since my first miscarriage last April, I've contemplated keeping subsequent pregnancies secret until a certain time. We didn't keep anything secret in November & we had miscarriage #2. I've tried to figure out why I haven't kept this one a secret. I think I know why.
I need the support of whatever happens. There are no guarantees, even once we hit the magic week #12 mark. My dear cousin Danielle lost a baby when she 8 months pregnant. I'm high risk due to the previous miscarriages, the surgery to remove 5 fibroids (which is believed to be the contributing factor of the miscarriages), as well as my age. I'm 39 years old. Not a spring-chick anymore.
It's purely selfish of me to want to have this support from friends and family. My coworkers were among the first to know cuz they see me daily. Besides, the office water must have hormones in it - there are many pregnant women at the college and guys whose wives just gave birth or will any day now.
Since my first miscarriage last April, I've contemplated keeping subsequent pregnancies secret until a certain time. We didn't keep anything secret in November & we had miscarriage #2. I've tried to figure out why I haven't kept this one a secret. I think I know why.
I need the support of whatever happens. There are no guarantees, even once we hit the magic week #12 mark. My dear cousin Danielle lost a baby when she 8 months pregnant. I'm high risk due to the previous miscarriages, the surgery to remove 5 fibroids (which is believed to be the contributing factor of the miscarriages), as well as my age. I'm 39 years old. Not a spring-chick anymore.
It's purely selfish of me to want to have this support from friends and family. My coworkers were among the first to know cuz they see me daily. Besides, the office water must have hormones in it - there are many pregnant women at the college and guys whose wives just gave birth or will any day now.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
no guarantees
I know that no matter what, there aren't any guarantees.
I know that even if we reach the magical week 12 with no complications that there won't be.
I know that last year's miscarriages didn't help with my risk-factor.
I know all these things.
However, I also know that I can't be in control of everything, despite wanting to. I had the surgery to remove the 5 fibroids for a reason - so that in the event of a success pregnancy, I'd be giving the embryo the best start I could.
Doesn't mean that I also know that I'm scared silly, and trying my best to take it one day at a time. I can't be in control of this except for eating as healthfully as I can when I feel like eating.
"What will be will be...."
I know that even if we reach the magical week 12 with no complications that there won't be.
I know that last year's miscarriages didn't help with my risk-factor.
I know all these things.
However, I also know that I can't be in control of everything, despite wanting to. I had the surgery to remove the 5 fibroids for a reason - so that in the event of a success pregnancy, I'd be giving the embryo the best start I could.
Doesn't mean that I also know that I'm scared silly, and trying my best to take it one day at a time. I can't be in control of this except for eating as healthfully as I can when I feel like eating.
"What will be will be...."
Monday, May 11, 2009
Long time ... no see
I've been in hibernation.
I'm ready to blossom.
I'm ready for spring.
I'm ready to attempt pregnancy yet one-more-time.
More after this brief announcement...
I'm ready to blossom.
I'm ready for spring.
I'm ready to attempt pregnancy yet one-more-time.
More after this brief announcement...
We are pregnant!
I'm high risk due to 2 miscarriages last year and being so blessed old, so I get weekly ultrasounds for the time-being. Saw the little peanut this morning. So small yet - only 7 weeks along on Wednesday) but its heart is good and strong @ 130+ beats per minute.
I'm happy and cautiously optimistic.
:) Welcome SPRING.
I'm happy and cautiously optimistic.
:) Welcome SPRING.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
What now?
If you are reading this, undoubtedly you've noticed I haven't spent a lot of time blogging. Looking back this past year, it's been a vehicle to vent my frustrations and anguish about the miscarriages. So now what the heck should I use it for?
I could talk about the weather in Green Bay, Wisconsin: (it's 9°F, feels like: 5°F today).
I could talk about Madeline: (she's 5 going on 13; still loves princess; she just told me she wanted to be an astronaut; she knows the order of the planets; she is really funny).
I could whine about how much my knee is bothering me: (I blame it on my father sharing his genetic disposition for bad knees).
I could exclaim my enjoyment and delight that I still have a great job: (libraries have tough to get a job in - I'm thankful for having a job that I still like).
eh ... I'll think about it.
I could talk about the weather in Green Bay, Wisconsin: (it's 9°F, feels like: 5°F today).
I could talk about Madeline: (she's 5 going on 13; still loves princess; she just told me she wanted to be an astronaut; she knows the order of the planets; she is really funny).
I could whine about how much my knee is bothering me: (I blame it on my father sharing his genetic disposition for bad knees).
I could exclaim my enjoyment and delight that I still have a great job: (libraries have tough to get a job in - I'm thankful for having a job that I still like).
eh ... I'll think about it.
Monday, February 16, 2009
My baby's growing up
She's lost now 2 teeth! How the heck can that be? It was just yesterday when she was a tiny kid ... (March 2005)
January 2009 (she's the one on the right)
January 2009 (she's the one on the right)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Cheers & Jeers
CHEERS:
Salma Hayek
It takes a village! It's nutrition. There is nothing wrong with feeding a starving child. Get over it, people!
JEERS:
Nadya Suleman
Because, though it takes a village (which she's obviously hoping 'cuz she needs the money), you need to do what is right. Bringing 8 more children into a world when you a) don't a way to support them, b) don't acknowledge that you may not be doing the right thing is NOT the right way to go about it!
Salma Hayek
It takes a village! It's nutrition. There is nothing wrong with feeding a starving child. Get over it, people!
JEERS:
Nadya Suleman
Because, though it takes a village (which she's obviously hoping 'cuz she needs the money), you need to do what is right. Bringing 8 more children into a world when you a) don't a way to support them, b) don't acknowledge that you may not be doing the right thing is NOT the right way to go about it!
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
2009
2009=Year of renewal.
I really am glad we went through everything we went through in 2008. I appreciate my health, my family and my sanity so much more. (ok, well, as much sanity as I might have anyway).
I'm looking forward to spending 6 days with Joe and Maddy at Walt Disney World from January 22 through the 27th. I'm looking forward to just meandering around the resort, watching the delight in a young child's eyes. I'm looking forward to simply being.
I'll be back with pictures and how we spent our time.
Hope you all are well!
I really am glad we went through everything we went through in 2008. I appreciate my health, my family and my sanity so much more. (ok, well, as much sanity as I might have anyway).
I'm looking forward to spending 6 days with Joe and Maddy at Walt Disney World from January 22 through the 27th. I'm looking forward to just meandering around the resort, watching the delight in a young child's eyes. I'm looking forward to simply being.
I'll be back with pictures and how we spent our time.
Hope you all are well!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
oh my poor womb
My poor womb. I have had 3 D&C's in the past 8 months, two in the past fortnight. I had another one on Monday to remove more tissue and look at the uterine fibroids. Bless it, this sucks. I'm feeling marginally better, but I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
When I went in on Monday complaining of not feeling good - not sleeping - hadn't stopped bleeding, my doc suggested another D&C to make sure everything was ok. It turns out, I wasn't. I was in fricken labor for the past week. I was completely dilated and my uterus was trying to expel the fibroid and the GD extra tissue.
Everything went well, but I'm definitely not feeling completely great. ***sigh*** I've not been in to work yet. I'm still not able to go more than 8 hours without pain meds and I can't drive when taking them. I hope to be able to go into work tomorrow morning for at least long enough to see if there is any mail to open, questions to answer, etc.
Wish me luck. I suspect I will have another surgery in the near future to remove the fibroids. yippee. That's another fun. But right now, I just need to feel like ME!
When I went in on Monday complaining of not feeling good - not sleeping - hadn't stopped bleeding, my doc suggested another D&C to make sure everything was ok. It turns out, I wasn't. I was in fricken labor for the past week. I was completely dilated and my uterus was trying to expel the fibroid and the GD extra tissue.
Everything went well, but I'm definitely not feeling completely great. ***sigh*** I've not been in to work yet. I'm still not able to go more than 8 hours without pain meds and I can't drive when taking them. I hope to be able to go into work tomorrow morning for at least long enough to see if there is any mail to open, questions to answer, etc.
Wish me luck. I suspect I will have another surgery in the near future to remove the fibroids. yippee. That's another fun. But right now, I just need to feel like ME!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
i'm ok
I'll be ok. Right now, I'm in a haze. I'm at work, having been off since Wednesday afternoon. My co-workers have been so supportive.
Joe's been working too much, and has been sleeping poorly. I don't know whether he's told his work. I hope so.
Maddy's been talking about Uncle Steven dying again - her way of dealing with death. This morning, as we were getting ready for our day, I said I was still pretty sad. She said she was too. I told her that it's always ok to talk about feelings. We talked a little bit about the two babies who died and I told her that we really didn't know why they died. She looked at me and smiled and said "Isn't it great that I didn't die!" .
Wow. She hit it on the head. She is such a special kid. She is definitely someone who is helping me keep it together.
Joe's been working too much, and has been sleeping poorly. I don't know whether he's told his work. I hope so.
Maddy's been talking about Uncle Steven dying again - her way of dealing with death. This morning, as we were getting ready for our day, I said I was still pretty sad. She said she was too. I told her that it's always ok to talk about feelings. We talked a little bit about the two babies who died and I told her that we really didn't know why they died. She looked at me and smiled and said "Isn't it great that I didn't die!" .
Wow. She hit it on the head. She is such a special kid. She is definitely someone who is helping me keep it together.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
answers
The ultrasound ... same room as in April ... same result ... no heartbeat. The baby died within the last day or two. Going in tomorrow morning (7:45am) to get a test done on the baby's chromosomes (a chrorionic villus sampling or CVS) and I'm scheduled for a D&C at noon.
I totally fell apart walking into the ultrasound room initially, and again when we searched for the heartbeat. I am more calm than I could be. I've been through this before. It's not easier - it just wasn't out of the blue like last time.
It looks like I have some uterine fibroids, more than when I was pregnant with Maddy. That or something about the chromosome may be the answer as to why I miscarried twice in a year. I still don't want Maddy to be an only child. I just don't whether I can do this again, ever. The pain is just too great.
I totally fell apart walking into the ultrasound room initially, and again when we searched for the heartbeat. I am more calm than I could be. I've been through this before. It's not easier - it just wasn't out of the blue like last time.
It looks like I have some uterine fibroids, more than when I was pregnant with Maddy. That or something about the chromosome may be the answer as to why I miscarried twice in a year. I still don't want Maddy to be an only child. I just don't whether I can do this again, ever. The pain is just too great.
Friday, November 07, 2008
me me me, and us :)
Well, after my moaning session, we found out that we are indeed expecting. :) Very cautious - still so very early - but we are pregnant. Due July 2, 2009, at the height of summer. Wow.
Feeling ok and only nauseous once a day so far. Hormone levels are good. On extra progesterone to help little bean out. Maddy is excited. Joe is excited. We're all cautiously optimistic.
:) 32 more weeks to go.
Feeling ok and only nauseous once a day so far. Hormone levels are good. On extra progesterone to help little bean out. Maddy is excited. Joe is excited. We're all cautiously optimistic.
:) 32 more weeks to go.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
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