I. THE BURIAL OF THE DEAD
APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding...
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.
April has always been a hard month for me. I've lost loves, done stupid things, been challenged physically, mentally and emotionally during my previous 35 Aprils.
This April, we're facing some major financial blows (gotta love tax time) and there are stressful times ahead. However, I have to admit, I'm actually optimistic. Scared, hell yeah. But I just know everything is going to be ok.
Why is it different this year?
Well, there's that beautiful new nephew in our lives. Nothing like new life to remember what is important. There's our yard we get to figure out how to (cheaply) landscape and plant gardens in. There's our daughter, beautiful Maddy, who makes my life so much cheery. Maybe that's why I'm feeling a bit more optimistic this year.
There are so many others in our lives who are going through challenges themselves. Some of our friends who we've had the pleasure of knowing, both new and old, are going through many different phases of life: the big D, moving, starting a new business, getting married, having babies. There's our family, also going through challenging times: getting married, moving, finding themselves, finding sobriety, raising grandkids.
It might be flippant or naive to say this, but as long as we are still able to remember what matters most in life, we'll all be ok. It might be a struggle, but that is what life is all about, isn't it? And frankly, it's somehow reassuring that we are all in this together - friends and family.
So as April slowly teases us with the promise of growth and new life, I'm choosing to open my arms out and embrace her. I'm looking forward to seeing what other things I can make grow this year, and hoping I can make it through April as optimistic as I am today. :)
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