It's been about 6 months since the miscarriage. In many ways, it's been the longest 6 months. I've been trying to grieve without dwelling. I've had colleagues and friends tiptoe around me as they experience their pregnancies and relatively happy births. I know it's not been easy to be around me.
My cycle had been pretty predictable and I had been able to pinpoint pretty accurately ovulation when we were trying. Not so anymore. Of course not.
I'm currently waiting impatiently to begin my cycle. For over 3 weeks now. I know I'm not pregnant. Even got a blood test to confirm. So my doc had me take progesterone to jumpstart the cycle. So far - nothing.
I think the frustrating part of all of this is now that I'm WANTING to get pregnant, it's difficult to keep it in perspective. I'm not getting any younger, and I'm battling that age-factor thing.
I know, I know - scores of women older than me have had babies. I don't care. Part of me wants to be pregnant before November 8th comes around - the previous due date. It's looming and I hate it .
I know everything will be ok. I DON'T believe everything happens for a reason, (please don't tell me that) but I know I'll be ok. Joe and I are ok. Maddy is great. I have a great job (1 year anniversary on the 1st of October!). I just don't want Maddy to be an only child.
ok... enough about me ... for now :)
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I've been thinking of you and wondering how you're doing. Keep taking care of yourself - if it doesn't work out this month, go back to see your doc and take the next step. No reason to wait or fool around!
In the meanwhile, perhaps a very small amount of good quality dark chocolate?
love, Dr. H
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